Making Friends in Tokyo: A Guide for Introverts and Extroverts
“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.”
Hi there Stylish Friends,
A common question that I see in Japan is: How do I make friends in Japan?! How can I get a serious relationship in Tokyo? Now this seems like an easy thing to do in a metropolis of 37 million people, but it’s quote difficult because of the many factors that are involved. I want to tell you about my experiences making friends without using dating apps, because I feel like those are a bit too straight forward, and this isn’t a pick up guide. First impressions matter, and chats on dating apps makes you start 1-0 behind, especially as a man, so keep that in mind.
But I’m too Shy!
Very often this is the main reason people don’t meet new people, and that is fine. I used to be shy as a teenager and when I entered university, I looked at myself and went like: I am going to be a business major, and business majors can’t be bad a communicating! I then forced myself to become less shy by forcing myself into communication situations. Open houses of the school, hanging out in break hours with a bigger group of people, initiating hang outs etc. all to just get used to talking more and more. And here I am now, talking away so much I need to write a blog about it.
Think about it, you moved to the other side of the world already, and had to deal with a lot of strangers for various reasons and that went pretty well, so why would an informal relationship be an issue? Take a leap. Yes it will be uncomfortable, but every time you will do it, it will become easier and easier.
Meet Ups
One of the most important thing when meeting people is always having something common to talk about. A hobby, or work related event is perfect for these situations, because the ice breaker bar is so much lower than stepping up to a random person at a random place. Meet ups, Whether they are organized on meetup.com or organized by that hyper extroverted friend we all have, can be an excellent way to meet new people. Whether it be a running event or just a casual Izakaya hang out, you will always be surrounded by people that have one thing in common with you. If not, you, or they, would not be there in the first place.
A bit more on the introvert side?
Everyone can meet new people. The fact that you are reading this will most likely mean you are willing to do so. It might be uncomfortable, but pushing yourself in a situation that forces you to converse makes you more social/extroverted!
That Friend Introduction
The best types of strangers are your friend’s friends. You don’t know them yet, but they will never brush you off from the start, Whether that be for a friendship thing or a potential partner. These indirect friends are usually cool with you because you are cool with your friends, so ask your friends to bring someone along when you hang out.
Bars
A traditional, but excellent place to meet new people is the bar. The great thing about Japan is that bars comes in all sizes, so if you’re a bit intimidated by bigger bras, check out a place like golden gai or other ‘Yokocho’, where the bars fit around 5 people max. The bartenders are usually very friendly and will include you in conversations at times, so it might be fun! The bigger bars usually have lines at the counter, which is an excellent moment to mutually complain about the line and start your conversation from there.
Online Communities
Whether you are a big gamer, or an active member of reddit Japanlife, online is always a good way to start conversations. Make sure to find the right channel, and don’t ever seem desperate. Nobody likes people who force things.
Just like dating apps, it’s easier to talk about stuff if you meet people with things in common. The key is to connect with a person, not say you want to be friends/looking for a relationship. Thing like this happen, they don’t get made.
Sports
Sports always create great communities. They’re such a great place to create connections with others because you are guaranteed to have at least one big thing in your life: that sport.
In Japan it’s quite usual to go out for food drinks with your community, so make sure you attend these, or you’ll miss out.
People from your homeland
Another great way to make friends is to attend events organized/related to your home land. whether that be embassy parties for national holidays, new year opening parties or that party organized by some locals that have a great interest in your home country’s food/drinks/culture.
Expat pages on facebook are usually the best source to find events like this, but a quick google once in a while gets you quite far already.
Live in a Share House.
Sometimes you’re open to talk but a bit too lazy to get out of your PJs or the weather is bad but are still up for a chat with someone face to face. In this case living in a share house is a great opportunity. Bigger share houses have enough space for you to be private, yet walk down to the common living room to have a chat with one of your housemates. In a place like Social Apartment, the owners promote you bringing over your friends so there is a high chance you will meet more people that just your housemates too!
I lived in a Social apartment for a while and really liked the people living there and the friend they brought.
The nice thing about these places is that most have a good mix of foreign and local people. It can be quite difficult to meet locals, so this is an excellent place to start.
Pets
Not something I personally experienced, but i noticed pets are such a great conversation starter. There are also clubs for owners of certain breeds and stuff and that is always a great way to break the ice.
Volunteering
The last one on my list is volunteering. Volunteers by nature are friendly/approachable and doing something good for you surrounding while being in a group is definitely a good recipe for meeting great people. Find an organization you really care about, because that matters a lot of in these situations.
